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Tue, Mar. 16th, 2010, 10:15 pm

My brother is going to embark on his first trip to Death Valley for his Spring Break, which makes me jealous. Yeah, I've spent a lot more time in a lot more places there than most people, but I can never get enough. I'm so glad that he's going there, as I want at least one other person I know to see what I have and marvel at what I would call God's Magnificent Creation if I were inclined in the direction of any particular religion.

Every time I think about DV or look at one of my photos from one of my trips there I get a weird feeling of longing. Not just for the place, but also for the experience in general. One of the two things about Alysia that I consider to be problematic, which I didn't fully realize while I was with her, is that she doesn't take risks (i.e. starting a frame-making semi-business) and has less sense of self-induced adventure than I like. When talking to Danielle about my trips, she said "I totally understand why you do that" and I know she did. Alysia doesn't, and while that wouldn't have been a deal-breaker, it was a significant issue in retrospect. I would love to spend a month in DV, hiking and 4-wheeling the shit out of the place and seeing all of the good stuff. I am always so happy there, but also slightly scared, which combine to make a unique feeling. I like testing myself and DV, being one of, if not THE most extreme environments in the U.S., is a great place to do that.

I think about it several times a week, especially the Saline Valley hot springs. Sitting in one of the "tubs" and then showering under one of the darkest skies in the developed world was a quasi-religious experience I'll never forget, and will repeat as many times as I am able. Other than living off-grid and growing my own food on a good-sized piece of land somewhere beautiful, my other goal is to have the means to make trips to such places (I'd like to include international destinations of such caliber too) as often as possible.

Shane is going to The Racetrack and I've given him tips on making the most of it. The playa there is my favorite place in the world (granted, I haven't been to THAT many places) and always gives me an eerie but nice feeling, and I hope he'll fall in love with it the way I have. I know that he doesn't like SoCal all that much and feels somewhat trapped in the place, so I think escaping to some seriously remote country will do him some good. He's taking Matthew with him, which is why I'm not telling him how to get to the hot springs, besides, there is enough to see in DV outside of the springs to keep him busy for a long time. Shane has a very strong tendency to think he can do/get through anything because he knows everything, which is a dangerous attitude for DV, so I hope he keeps it in check. As I've tried to tell him before, regardless of how good of a driver/car fixer/etc. one is, there are variables well beyond one's control which cannot be accounted for on the "mad skillz" balance sheet.

Today and yesterday weren't terribly great. I got back down in the doldrums again because I started to think about my current situation instead of my future. I got mired in my present, which includes being unemployed, broke, not knowing a lot of people, etc. I am feeling a lot better now because, like so many other times, I flipped my brain switch and started thinking about more positive things. I'm nearly done with my business card, I've got my website semi-kinda-going, and I've met a few people lately.

I have a Word document on my desktop named "progress." So far it has 16 items on it that are there to remind me that I focus too much on what I haven't done and too little on how far I've come. Part of why I'm feeling better now than I did three hours ago is because I looked at that file and my last LJ entry and it reminded me that yes, I am incredibly motivated and highly skilled and yes, I will pull myself through these current times as a result.

Speaking of which, I better get back to work. Oh yeah, here I am:


It's barely an embryo of a website, but I realized that as usual, if I did my grand entrance to the web world the way I wanted to, I'd never have a site. Baby steps...